i am having issues

first of all
i am so excited
that rosie is going to be
on queer as folk
i might just pee my pants
my favorite show
of all time
next to desperate housewives
and six feet under
i am so glad i got my cable back on
i would have absolutely died if i didnt get to watch my shows
ok next topic

i met someone online
meeting for the first time tomorrow
said id never do it
ever ever
but i am
how does it work
do we kiss when we first meet?
do i sleep with him because of the 800 mile difference and i have no idea when i will see him again?
please tell me
cause i dont know
havent really dated in 5 years
i have gained some weight since then
you know childbirth and all
and how do i do this with my child
she will not be with me this weekend
to witness my breakdown
which im sure i will probably have
ok, i already am having
i am typing so fast im not even sure this is making sense
oh crap, i am nervous
i might throw up
yuck
i hate throwing up
hmm
what to do
what to do
i am in a manic/bypolar stage right now
flying around the house
like i have wings
because i dont know what to do
scared to get that feeling
that you get when you date
or kiss someone new
lol, i just thought of the movie 50 first dates
i live adam and drew
love love
well, i am so not on any kind of topic
so i will go clean now
becasue it burns calories
and i cant stop moving
so i might as well make something good happen
damn im weird today
i know i know stop blabbering toni
i will

diet pills

do not ever do this
ever ever
i ordered some crap
off the internet
"free two week trial"
i received it 5 days ago
and there is a charge for 50 bucks on my account
i am irate
now my account is all of
and shit is going to bounce
because im broke
and apparently stupid
to order shit that would make me lose 12 lbs. in two days
right , like thats going to work
well it worked me over
i am irate
why would i think that a miracle cure could take away the baby fat?
it wont
only me getting off my ass will
what happens to you after you giv ebirth
does an automatic lazy gene get implanted into your spine during the epidural?
must have
i used to have so much energy
used to play sports like crazy
now i whine about runing to the mailbox
not that im huge or anything
just really lazy
i think the only activity i could partake in right now that i wouldnt whine about is sex
ok, yes id probably still whine
and maybe just lay there
but doesnt it still burn calroies if you have an orgasm? even if you just lie there?
hm, ill have to look that up

hotdish

I am obsessed with hotdish
yes I am midwesterner
I know most people dont even know what that is
but I do
and thats all that counts
so my favorite is rice hotdish
so fattening
but i just lost 15 lbs so i dont care
seriously
try it

1lb. hamburger or chicken
1 small white onion finely chopped
3 stalks celery also finely chopped
3 cups minute rice ( cause im too lazy to make the real rice)
1 can each
cr. mushroom
cr. celery
cr. chicken
1 8oz. package fresh sliced mushrooms sauteed
garlic salt
salt and pepper to taste
2 cups water
1 cup milk


cook meat
mix all ingredients together and bake at 400 for about an hour
stirring every 20 minutes
LOVE IT!

so anyway
do you ever eat something
and while your eating it
think to yourself
im gonna pay for this later
but continue to eat it
i have that problem all the time
i dont really eat fast food
im talking about good stuff you make yourself
my weaknesses are
omelets
cheesecake
tacos ( best invention of all time)
broccoli
all kinds of stuff...

but the worst of all
my weakness for white castle
I absolutley get the crave!
then i have to speed home to get to the bathroom
man, I should take stock in pepto bismol

I cant think of anything more right now
because i have become obsessed with mister underhills blogs
so im preoccupied
and cant write my own now...

The C-u-n-t- from downstairs

ok
i love kids
i really do
i have one of fmy own
best thing i ever did
but there is this child
4 years old
that lives below me
and never stops crying
im sure somethings wrong with him
and it makes my stomach just feel wretched
because his mom is a c**t
and does not deserve to have the children she has
I hear her screaming at him
all hours of the day and night
and I just wanna punch her in her ugly missing-tooth-from-a-drug-habit-face
but i cant
the most i can do is call he county
which i have done so many fuckin times
they are doing nothing
for this poor kid
he is a year older than my daughter
and small
and frail
and weak
i think he is crying out for someone to just love him
but noone will listen
but me
and i have done everything short of kill his mother
i have even gone down there in the middle of the night and talked to him thru his window
trying to calm him down
she is ovlivious to his cries
and to my trying to help
i hear her as i type this
screaming at him to shut up
i wanna punch her
and tell her to shut up
stupid bitch
do you not realize the poor kid just needs love
something will happen one day
to snap her out of it
i hope
he walked into my apartment once
lost
he was here for a while
i was calling my landlord
trying to figure out where he lived
because i knew him from somewhere else
him and his father lived with me in my old place
they had nowhere to go
now he lives with his evil mom
i hate her
i dont usually hate
because i believe all people are good somehow
but not her
shes evil
anyhow
when he showed up at my place
he was here for an hour
and noone was looking for him
he just sat and played with me until my landlord called me back
i took him back to his evil mother and she slammed the door in my face
she didnt even care about where he had been
he is 4
thats it
4
cunt!

dawson and joey....will they ever do it?

I was all set to write something very interesting and quirky this fine tuesday morn.
But I overslept and now I must watch Dawsons Creek.
Never watched it when it was on the first time
but now it is in sindication on TBS and I cant get enough
I cant beleive they waited until season 5 to have joey and dawson sleep together!
This just blows my mind
even though I never liked dawson, much prefered pacey, I still, never had that kind of patience, or virtue, whatever you call it, when I was 13
nothing stopped me from having sex
I just dont get it
morals
I never had those
not sure if I do now
ok, ok I actually do now
I just went almost three years without sex
because i thought that what single mothers were supposed to do
boy was I wrong
you can have lots of sex
just use condoms
and never have your child in the house when you do do it
they tend to freak out one-night stands
(not that I would ever do that)
but just for imformational purposes
damn, its starting

oh joey, just ride him, you know you want to

crabbyness has invaded the empty space in my head reserved for caffeine

I am crabby
crabby
crabby
I had fast food today
first time in 9 months
I have heartburn
really bad
went to the park
for 4 hours
then to lovers lane
with my three year old
cause she insisted we watch the sun go down
and then she interupted some teenagers
who I assumed
where there to make out
she won them over though
with her sharp wit
and her impressions of cookie monster
she always does
my pretty pretty princess
but now shes with her daddy
and im crabby
I painted just a while ago
and i should be high on fumes
but im crabby
tortured soul i am
im convinced thats the only way to be
i have got nothing more to say
so be creative and make up your own ending to my day
cause im bored
and crabby
It has now been 7 days since Ive had caffeine
hmm..
maybe thats why im crabby