my tongue is purple

i just ate 20 fruit roll-ups
in a row

and now im eyeing up a jumbo bag of sunflower seeds
to salt up my tongue
and chap my lips

obsessive compulsive
yes i am

i had a biopsy yesterday
on my leg

they popped out some tissue
to see why ive had hives
continuously for 4 months

all over my body
im burning and itching

i can tell you right now
stress is the cause
but my boss needs to see something medical
or ill lose my job

i have spent 1500 dollars
on books in the past three months

and not expensive hardcover books
good books, cheap
barnes and noble.com
im in trouble

but for some reason
i cant get my head into reading right now
starting a book is like torture
and i used to love reading so mmuch
i would read three books a week

i confronted my dad
and my sister
about how i was raised

hit
screamed at
kicked
called a worthless fucker
then just ignored

they dont get it
they say quit living in the past

im not
im trying to get the grudge monster to go away
he gets me while i sleep
while i walk
watch tv
and breathe

i want to know why
when their 13 year-old daughter got raped
the ignored it
and let it go

its not like i could press charges by myself
i wasnt strong enough

just sent me away
and said "you deal with her"

7 foster homes
in four years

starting at 13
emancipated at 17

the hives started at 15
that time
lasted nine months
then went away with hope
of a better life

those sunflower seeds arent gonna eat themselves
i gotta go
and hope for the hives to go away
and not talk to my family
because they hate me
for wanting love