my view

5 a.m. alarm rings
have a smoke
take a shower
bring baby to dads

to the hotel
put on my apron
check mirror for hair and make-up
(looks very well for only three hours sleep)
walk upstairs

thru the swinging doors
into the kitchen
the bakery smells of blueberry
with a hint of apple cinnamon

turn on the lights
start the coffee pot
chug a pepsi

give a fake smile to coworkers as thy arrive late
as usual

prepare toaster
syrup
fruit

walk to the far end of the room
look out the window
the heat is creating a thick fog that hovers atop the mighty mississippi
the sun is coming up
sending fire thru the sky
the dew glistens on the tree tops
the sun hitting them like diamonds
tummy does flip-flops

lost in a dreamland
thru the fog is another world
a fantasyland
fairies and princes
that exist only to a child
are real behind the fog

the kiss
the prince
the fairies
dancing in my dreamworld

"ma'am my eggs are runny and my coffee is cold"

CRASH! back to the real world

hashbrowns cripsy
eggs overeasy
decaf with cream

my fairyworld will stay in the fog


everyday


i dream


of a new life

quick shout out to maybemeansno
will you fuckin write something new
and join my world of habitual sadness..

no comment

I just told my daughters dad that i wish he was dead
i would rather him die than deal with him and fight with him everyday

i cant take it anymore
he is going to drive me over the edge

im standing on it right now

i wish that my daughter wouldnt hurt if i died

if i knew that she wouldnt i would kill myself tomorrow

i am a selfish bitch
i dont deserve to be cared about

i asked him to crack a window
because i was hot

i dont want to be alive anymore

my keyboard is drenched in tears

my daughter will get over it wont she?

i want the fighting to stop

i want him to be considerate

i want to move away from this town so i dont have to see him everyday

how do i do that without jeapordizing the relationship my daughter has with him

im sure ill die first

cause i wont quit smoking

and apparently
he is the better person

im just a nutcase he had sex with

FOR FIVE GODDAMNED YEARS!!!

he broke up with me in the car

ON THE WAY TO WORK!

and he thinks i should just not be mad
or hurt

im a fuckin nutcase

who wishes she was dead.

THE END

time to go

we connected at first glance
music, food, movies, life

sex
different

for only three weeks
living a different life
happy
hopeful
enjoying ourselves

the hurt i saw in his eyes today
like something deep inside ripping at his heart strings
going seperate ways
never to touch again

i hold you
tell you all will work itself out
knowing it wont
your depression is going to hit hard

missing you will hurt
such a short time
explosive feelings
now gone

i ache for someone i barely know
and it feels good

i still work
im not broken
i still feel
and it fuckin hurts

im sorry you couldnt stay here
that your clothes are at the bottom of the river
that your dad is a prick

i was meant to meet you
to make me smile
to warm me up
open new doors
now you must go


goodbye sweet boy
i will miss your laughter
and your sillyness
your smell
your touch
and your dog