Wednesday, September 21, 2005

no comment

I just told my daughters dad that i wish he was dead
i would rather him die than deal with him and fight with him everyday

i cant take it anymore
he is going to drive me over the edge

im standing on it right now

i wish that my daughter wouldnt hurt if i died

if i knew that she wouldnt i would kill myself tomorrow

i am a selfish bitch
i dont deserve to be cared about

i asked him to crack a window
because i was hot

i dont want to be alive anymore

my keyboard is drenched in tears

my daughter will get over it wont she?

i want the fighting to stop

i want him to be considerate

i want to move away from this town so i dont have to see him everyday

how do i do that without jeapordizing the relationship my daughter has with him

im sure ill die first

cause i wont quit smoking

and apparently
he is the better person

im just a nutcase he had sex with

FOR FIVE GODDAMNED YEARS!!!

he broke up with me in the car

ON THE WAY TO WORK!

and he thinks i should just not be mad
or hurt

im a fuckin nutcase

who wishes she was dead.

THE END

16 Comments:

Blogger CheyenneWay said...

running helped physically but i still deal with the wierd depression. you have every right to be pissed and to express it. Maybe look for ways to express it via candle holders or going outside to scream in a dogs face. thats what i did one time and it helped emmensely.

dont mean to downplay how you feel babe but i know your down and laughter truly is the best medicine. when we wake up from our seclusions will we remember what got us there?

4:02 AM  
Blogger Übermilf said...

LilRed, the bastard is deliberately getting you upset so he can point his smug-ass finger and say, "See?"

I don't have a solution for that. I'm just saying I want to hit him in the face with a shovel for pulling your strings like that for his own purposes. Evil bastard!

I do understand that whirlwind of depression in the brain that makes you want to make the pain go away. You want to vanish off the face of the earth. No one understands that pain and confusion unless he/she has been there.

But remember all the other times you've faced it? It got better. And your daughter loves and needs you. No matter what anyone says. She has a bright future ahead, and you want to be there to see it. Hang in there until this storm's over, pumpkin!

9:41 AM  
Blogger WhiteBoyBob said...

Hey, we think you're great as does your daughter. I wish I could help, but I know what you are going through is a very personal thing. Just remember we a ll think you ROCK!

6:25 PM  
Blogger Mesabi Red ;) said...

We sure do think you rock!

8:57 PM  
Blogger still_figuring_out said...

thought os dying will not solve anything. you are a great person and mother. we know it. now you just have to accept it.

11:13 PM  
Blogger Miss HT Psych said...

Hang in there girl... you rock.

10:21 PM  
Blogger You Can't Afford Me said...

it's this sort of thing that makes me glad that my daughter's father is not around. on one hand i wish he was in her life, and then on the other, i'm glad that i don't have to deal with him. the way i see it is, my daughter comes first and it is what she wants that matters in the end. i would pay whatever the price, even if it makes me miserable, just as long as she is happy.

i have no solutions or suggestions as in how to deal with him. everything is easier said than done. i do think that he is fucking with you just because he can, and you let him get to you and he knows it. if you took that power away from him, it might stop. it is most important that he is a good father to your daughter. as long as that fact remains true, then just hang in there.

i'm sorry you are hurting right now.

p.s. did you get the package i sent? did she like it?

4:25 PM  
Blogger Matt's Place said...

Wow. I can't even begin to imagine the anger you've got going on inside....But don't give up the ship! As a single dad (with full-time custody of his daughter), I know that kids need their parents, and daughters ESPECIALLY need their mom.

My little girl still gives mom the benefit of the doubt all the time, regardless of nasty bantering back and forth.

On a different note - yes, I'm a guy, and I'D buy one of your stained glass bowls. Keep up the good craft work - and let me know what you charge, if you're serious about selling them.

My daughter says I need to decorate with some more pretty things around the house.....!

9:13 PM  
Blogger Dragonfly said...

I agree with her milfesty. He is deliberitly dragging you down. He is taking away your power...
Don't give it to him.
You are a strong amazing woman and you are a great Mom.
He may be her father but he isn't yours - don't let him ruin your life...

Stay strong, remember who you are and that you have a lot to teach her...
And you have a lot to offer yourself.

1:56 PM  
Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

There is nothing I can add that will help. I really do believe you need to limit your contact with this man. dropping your daughter off and picking her up doesn't need to involve talking to him.

It's also time for you to post again, so we all know you are okay.

2:34 PM  
Blogger im here somewhere said...

thank you all for being here. im really not well. the mundaneness of it all is killing me.(i dont even know if that made sense)

im glad you listen to my crap, my family sure apreciates it now that they dont have to hear it.

i think i need a vacation.

10:34 PM  
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