Tonight.

I want you
Fucking hard
Grab a handful
Of this dirty fucking girl
Throw her down
Beat her ass
Make her bleed
As she deserves the pain
Only you can give

The deep dark
doesn’t show to the observant
I clench my teeth
As your bite breaks the skin
Mmmmmm…Do it again
And again
Until the marks remind me
Of the hatred you cover up

Do you want me to claw up to the next level?
Is your fury suppressed
Am I also your reminder

You punch my face
And ill punch yours
Use all your might
To throw me up against the car
Rip off my panties
There goes my bra..
Pink nipples perk up in your presence
Harden and ripe for your hot mouth

Take them in
Sweet wet kiss
Until you bite

When your hands start to wander
I know right where theyre going
Places they’ve been before
Places that are hot
And moisten when you near

Stick your strong hands
On all that is behind
Open up the floodgates
And play before you go in

I can feel him hardening
And this time he’ll stay that way
As I slowly drop down to my knees
To envelope him with my mouth

I hear your breathing start to slow
As you enjoy a little too much
The secret way my hands
Grab on and don’t let go

I enjoy having you in my mouth
Taste is bittersweet
Your softness on my tongue
Gliding all around

When your grab onto the back of my head
And force your way to the depths
You want me to go faster
But alas, I am not thru with you
With every lick of your juices
I feel mine start to emerge
I want you inside of me
Now.

Rip off my pants
Flip me around
And submerge your hot muscle
So hard I have bite down
And scream.

With your hands on my hips
You guide him in and out
Of what is throbbing and soaked
From the pain of your thrust
I want more
I ache for it
Push him farther inside
I want to feel every inch
When your as far as you can go
SCREAM

Tell me you want more
Pull my hair
slap my face
bite my neck

I want to feel you
Explode hot fucking juices
As I release mine
In unison we feel the shake
The burn runs deep
I give you one sweet kiss
And walk away with shaky knees
I am satisfied.

an explanation of her life

She ran down the hall fighting back tears
shoved thru the bathroom door
locked herself in the last stall
rest her head on the toilet and sobbed.
the kind of sobbing that leaves you gasping for air
and an uncontrollable trembling throughout your entire being...

The were a match made in junior high heaven
she was a cheerleader and he was a jock
they were the most popular kids in their grade and everybody loved seeing them together
they spent their nights at parties and walked each other home
always ending with a passionate kiss on the front step.

the night after a victorious homecoming game
the group of friends celebrated by sneaking some beers and wine coolers at a friends house where the parents were away
they partied till everyone left
and they were finally all alone,
so in the hot tub they went.

In the hot tub they started kissing and had some heavy petting
their bodies were hot and their heads were spinning from the booze
so instead of stopping him at third base
she let him go all the way

she was trembling from the nerves and excitement
she had been looking forward to this since the first day he walked into math class
she knew he was the person she wanted to spend her life with
even though she was just 13
she just knew

he was very gentle with her and gave her sweet kisses to calm her down
he reassured her they were doing the right thing
it hurt more than she expected
but she kept going
it was what he wanted

all of the booze and the whirling of the hot water made her feel nauseous
she asked him to stop because she was feeling sick
so he let her go
she jumped up out of the water
but threw up all over the side of the gazebo
she was so embarrassed and hoped he hadn't seen her
but when she looked up
he was wearing a cold grin

she grabbed her clothes
put them on behind the gazebo
and ran home

when she got home she thought about
how what was supposed to be the most memorable experience of her life
went horribly wrong
and she cried herself to sleep
one of many to come
still coming in her 30's

when she woke the next morning she had a terrible headache
and was trying not to think of the horrible dream she had just had
she stepped onto the pile of wet clothes next to her bed
and she remembered it was not a dream.
her stomach turned
her heart started racing and she wanted to throw up again
but she had to go to school
so she calmed herself down
took a shower
and headed off for the bus stop
but there was no one there so she started walking

she got to school a few minutes late and was the last person in homeroom.
when she walked in the door
all the students were whispering to each other
her friends since kindergarten
were laughing

she wondered what this was about and why the teacher hadn't settled them down
as the class had already started.
she then looked to her best friend and mouthed "whats going on"
and her best friend
who clearly saw her
looked away

she noticed none of her other friends would make eye contact either
then she thought they were talking about her
she knew she was just being paranoid
until she caught his gaze he had that cold smile on his face
an at that point she knew
he told them all
and they WERE talking about her

her face got red
her stomach queasy
she was so furious
she just wanted to punch him right in the face

she started walking to her desk when the teacher stopped her
she was sent home for the day so that the class could discuss the rumors that were circulating about her

she wanted to cry
right then and there
but she held back her tears as she grabbed her backpack and walked out the door
she could hear clapping and cheering behind her
as she ran down the hall to her safe place

on the walk home she was so overcome with emotion
she rehearsed all the things she wanted to scream at him
and she wondered how all of her friends could turn their backs on her
especially when she needed them the most
she couldn't talk to her mother
she was barely home and wouldn't understand anyway

She never stepped foot in that school again
she talked her mom into letting her transfer to the alternative school
when she found out the teacher had sat the class down to talk about what a bad person she was
and to not talk to her again
she was humiliated and vowed to never talk to those "friends" again
and she never did

a few years later she was sitting in her "safe school"
in he walks
a new student

as soon as she laid eyes on him her face flushed with anger
her heart beat rapidly as all the memories flooded her mind and again she felt as if she might throw up

she was a very good student in this new school
and was very well liked by students and teachers alike
she was comfortable and safe
so when she asked the teacher to get him out
they didn't hesitate
he was dis enrolled that day

about a year later as she was browsing thru the local paper
she noticed his name mentioned on the front page
she turned to the story and read that his girlfriend stabbed him in self defense and that his funeral was on Thursday

she knew she needed closure
so she went to make amends
in her own spiritual way

she walked into the funeral home
dressed in her very best
and went straight to the coffin
she looked at his pretty face
and spit right on it

when she walked away
she turned to her "friends" in the front row
and mouthed "good riddence"

over the next 15 years
she has had dozens of one night stands
and failed relationships
searching for something she is not quite sure she will ever find
maybe that perfect "first time" will take away the "brand" he left on her heart

she is still looking

dick in a box - uncensored

I want one!

a big change

three days ago
I quit smoking

every second of those three days
i have wanted to smoke

every second

i am thinking about it right now
pulling the smoke in
over my lips an into my chest

feeling it fill the void
cutting anxiety

4 bucks a day
finding it
scraping for it
borrowing it
begging for it

im craving just thinking about them

i know the smell is nasty
the taste is like bile
my skin is starting to wrinkle
my breaths are short
and sometimes they burn

i did what i had to
to fit into my life

and now im doing the opposite
to get out

will it work?

200 minutes a day
17 years

thats going to be a hard habit to break
and this patch doesnt do shit!

post-partom depression

its real people

yesterday
a family friend
37
hung herself

4 week old baby
and 1, 6 and 8 year olds
all girls
all forever without their mommy

i could think of so many more important things in my life
than sending hate mail
and back-stabbing

see whats in front of you
before you bury your loved ones
with rope burn
around their neck

hippo-crite

thats what i am
i hate someone
i loathe them
i cant stand to be around them
for the wrong they did

a sacred line
crossed in my eyes
their glasses fogged
with sin and filth
for lust

in 1989
i walked home with my best friends boyfriend
middle of the night
we lay down in the lawn
gaxing at the stars
a kiss
just one
the guilt still eats at me
even after more than 15 years

i never told her
just stopped being her friend
cause i couldnt deal with my guilt

now
i hated him
for messing up her relationship
she was blind
in pain
looking for comfort
she was not to blame
i love her
shes my friend

now i
took advantage
and dont want to stop
for my own selfish loneliness
has clouded my judgement

his pain
comforted inside me
and i like it

im not the only lonely
at this point
and misery loves company

it is all my fault
and i am a hippocrite

walk away toni
walk away
the guilt will eat you alive
your better than that

i dont believe that
not for a second

im not that girl anymore

morals.............
i hit them with my car

that song

boston
longtime/foreplay

ron
i was 13
he was 22
i had just had a miscarriage
from the rape

we met thru a friend
that tried to beat me up just days before

he made me feel good
taught me things about sex

he showed me off
his pretty little girlfriend
with a personality that could knock you on your ass

lying on the floor
in the basement
in front of the stereo he so cherished
boston
longtime/foreplay
so loud the neibors could feel the bass

left for prison
that january
he wrote
told me he wanted to be together forever

ya, i was 13
he was 22
i found other things to love
and grew up

******************************

when i see you smile
bad english

michael 12
me 12

one year in a new school
the first day
he makes me melt

we "date"
write letters
talk on the phone
sneak out of the house
go to detention together

he taught me how to smoke

one kiss
outside the poolhall
in the alley
the earth moved
my soulmate

i move
we rarely talk
but we both know
we were meant to
forever

i dream of him often
over the next 8 years
i see him in my room
foot of my bed
middle of the night
no words in 8 years

the next morning
he is dead

when i see you smile
playng on the jukebox
when my world changed

**************************
alice in chains
man in a box

phillip 16
me 14

boyfriend for 7 years
love
at first
turned my stomach
aching to be with him

then aching
to be without
knife thru my chest
when i woke up
and he was gone
screwing her
in my car
with my money
still holding my heart

locked me in his room
with him and his brothers
learning to play this song
29 times in a row

man in a box
i can still smell the musty room
where i lost all faith in myself
to become something worthwhile

********************************

eternal flame
bangles

jayson 12
me 12

came to my window
in the house of lies
with my mother
not knowing
if she wanted to be a mother

he took me away
to play supermario
then kisses

for 6 months
with my first love
never having really felt a connection
with a soul in my life

he held me as i cried
just figuring out
that i was not healthy
my mind was playing tricks

he broke up with me
because i kissed his friend
tim
during truth or dare

i still miss him
my eternal flame
started the rollercoaster
of a lifelong battle
with unreal emotions

****************************

ani difranco
im not a pretty girl

me 21

driving away from my life
to start somewhere fresh
not needing anyone
but myself
with hope
eternal

not what i expected
running away
not a solution

im not a pretty girl
i do need to be saved

*******************************

chicago
you the inspiration

kristy 11
me 11

my best friend
moves a town away
i stay over
i miss her

i sneak out
alone
to meet with her guy friend
to make out with him

we are no longer friends
becasue i abused her trust

i miss you kristy

****************************

my name is luca
tiffany
debbie gibson
madonna


me 12

i am the leader
of all my friends
i choreograph a lipsyncing show
at our apartments
for all too see

all outfits match
all steps in sync
not a missed word
everyone watching
cheering

i am a star

********************************

kyrie
mr.mister

steve 23
me 23

in the parking lot of our bar
a frined equipped with his guitar
and the makings of any song ever made

steve says
play that song
you know
"give me a laser down the road that i must travel"

um steve
do you mean "kyrie a laison"

ahh maybe

a soundtrack for his life
hearing one thing
saying another

misread

he gives me a baby
he leaves me

kyrie a laison
down the road that i must travel

i here

make the magic start

***************************
james taylor

in the event of my death
to be played while they burn me

what my fears go up in the smoke
i will be ok

when you hear him
remember me
what i smell like
how i feel to your touch
how i made you feel
if you loved me

remember as i do
in a song