a nightmare

i went to pick pumpkins at a frineds sisters house


itook maddie with me

we were kidnapped

taken to a compound filled with single mothers and children

the mothers were photographed

for when the newscasters came out to hear their story

the children

the children were burned

burned

the ringmaster of this whole situation

was in charge of picking the mothers and children to kidnap

his own son was thrown into this bin of toxic waste crap

to see if he would live

like an experiment

thats why we were there

not a fuckin chance in hell!

thru my head

over and over i kept plotting our escape

not ever having the perfect time

then they came

to take my baby away

i went into the room with the ringmaster

as he laughed and told me that the baby

his new baby

was thrown into the batch this morning

and didnt make it

he was keeping the moms and breeding with them to produce new babies to throw into the batch

i am mortified

in my sleep i could feel that i wanted tp puke

they just took my baby and told me that they were taking her to an amusement park

not the case

somehow i got out of the room

i could feel the rage and the sadness that i was too late and my baby was gone

i got a message out to a friend on the outside

he was waiting for me at the door


in a red car

ben, a real friend that is in the marines

i got maddie out


i found her

i hugged her until she told me to stop

we got to the car safely

as we were backing out

we were trapped by the security

i jumped out and shot them in the head

we got out

i woke up crying

my baby was standing next to me with a box of cereal
asking me to help her pour the milk in

maddiemay

my daughter learned how to write her name this week
should i be concerned that its backwards?
she doesnt always do it this way
just 1 in 5 times that she writes it
( i have her write it about 15 times a day cause i am so proud)

im scared that she will have dyslexia
that something will be wrong with my perfect princess

in my head i know that kids with learning disabilities will grow to bw stronger than most
but still i am scared
scared that she will fell different
fall behind
feel ashamed

i want the best for my angel
for she is the best thing that has ever happened to me
and anyone she meets

she will be great
perfect no matter what
i am so proud of her
my boogerhead

attention all smokers

i wanna swing from trees
i wanna do backhandsprings

i want to teach my daughter how to do these things
and teach her how to throw a curveball

how to spike a volleyball
bump, set, spike
and serve

i want to teach her the cheers
and give her my cheerleading uniform

to teach her to skate
and dance on her toes
triple axle
pike jump

i cant stop smoking
and its killing me
and it will take me away from my baby girl

she tells me everyday
" mom, if you dont stop snoking you will die"
she is three
and she is smarter than I