in that other world.

i just woke up from the most horrible dream
i was sleeping on a pullout couch in an abandoned gas station
i open my mouth
and out pops
a grubworm
a frickin three inch long
one inch around
hard
alive
grubworm.

if i could figure out how to post a picture of it i would show you
but i cant get it

i went on to tell the other people in my life that if you have them living in your house, the eggs will get under your tongue and your mouth will fertilize them until they are ready to come out. and you will not know they are there.
i was trapped in this filthy gas station like a prisoner and was forced to grow these in my mouth for the local fisherman who bought it as bait on the other side of the store.

i couldnt get out
stuck with worms in my mouth

i woke up clenching my tongue so tight i think i have permanent imprints from the roof of my mouth

tilt-a-whirl

my daughter has told me repeatedly today that she doesnt like me
yet im still taking her to the fair tonight.

my mom is bleeding out from her womans issues and cant have surgery for 26 more days

my boss called and asked if id work full time(which i would make really good money) and i cant because my sitter quit

i feel like im going to punch my fucking hand threw the wall

rip my hair out clump after clump

my moms close friend passed away of lung cancer yesterday
never smoked a cigerette once in his life
good christian
husband
father
grandfather
friend
when my grandpa passed away 10 years ago, he stepped up to the plate and filled in
my mom had a nervous breakdown then
i think she's having one now
she wont let me come over
she thinks my peice of shit car wont make it
and she's worried ill break down
well emotionally i already have
she can never worry about herself
putting me first every time
take care of you mom
because i love you so much
my gut hurts just at the thought of losing you

i wish life were easy
its not
and it sucks

i have to go ride the tilt-a-whirl now
i feel like thats the way my days are going
spinning and turning until i feel like im going to throw up
throwing me into a tizzy
making me want to go home and cry into my pillow

puttin on a happy face
and walkin out the door.
here i come world
just try to get me down
you wont succeed
because im already there.
fuck off and beat down someone else
like the pedophile that lives down my street
or the murderer that just got off on a technicality

im a good person
leave me the fuck alone.

why?

I dont understand
how people can cheat on their spouse
i was hit on
ok, so, i was more than hit on
he came to my bar
and logged in about 25 hours
of the 30 hours i worked in the last three days
we talked
alot
we clicked
them i noticed his ring
im not very observent
i dont look for rings on men that i know are hitting on me
because my naive little mind thinks that all people are good
and would not cheat on the person they vowed to love forever and ever
so, he's hinting to me that he'd like me to go to his room after i close the bar and i really really want to
but my conscious is getting the better of me so i keep telling him no
he stays with me until i shut down the bar
very dark room
noone else onthe 5th floor but us
he hugs me
i try not to hug back
he kisses my neck
i try not to melt
i push him away
he grabs me again
i grab his rig finger and squeeze his wedding band
(which from the look of it was very expensive)
and he says "its just a ring"
i feel like im going to explode with anger!
and lust
and disgust
fucker!
he turns me around on my chair and tries to kiss me on the mouth
i almost let him
but i push away
im ready to tear
i can feel my eyes fill up
i am so upset
i meet this man i can easily and have talked to for hours
very comfortably
and he's married
and has no morals
i want to go with him
have a romantic night
no strings attachd because he lives in california
and he's married
but i dont
i sent him to his room alone

on my way home
i pick up my dependable sex buddy
and have empty sex
i dont like to sleep alone
and neither does he
the sex isnt that great
but i have never felt more comfortable sleeping next to another man in my life
i guess together we fill up the lonely's for each other
but relationship wise
its not there

every man i have ached for
has either been married
or has died
except the kisser
and im still waiting for him to return my necklace

as you could probably tell
im very lonely today

im going to watch my princess dance
that will cheer me up