that song

boston
longtime/foreplay

ron
i was 13
he was 22
i had just had a miscarriage
from the rape

we met thru a friend
that tried to beat me up just days before

he made me feel good
taught me things about sex

he showed me off
his pretty little girlfriend
with a personality that could knock you on your ass

lying on the floor
in the basement
in front of the stereo he so cherished
boston
longtime/foreplay
so loud the neibors could feel the bass

left for prison
that january
he wrote
told me he wanted to be together forever

ya, i was 13
he was 22
i found other things to love
and grew up

******************************

when i see you smile
bad english

michael 12
me 12

one year in a new school
the first day
he makes me melt

we "date"
write letters
talk on the phone
sneak out of the house
go to detention together

he taught me how to smoke

one kiss
outside the poolhall
in the alley
the earth moved
my soulmate

i move
we rarely talk
but we both know
we were meant to
forever

i dream of him often
over the next 8 years
i see him in my room
foot of my bed
middle of the night
no words in 8 years

the next morning
he is dead

when i see you smile
playng on the jukebox
when my world changed

**************************
alice in chains
man in a box

phillip 16
me 14

boyfriend for 7 years
love
at first
turned my stomach
aching to be with him

then aching
to be without
knife thru my chest
when i woke up
and he was gone
screwing her
in my car
with my money
still holding my heart

locked me in his room
with him and his brothers
learning to play this song
29 times in a row

man in a box
i can still smell the musty room
where i lost all faith in myself
to become something worthwhile

********************************

eternal flame
bangles

jayson 12
me 12

came to my window
in the house of lies
with my mother
not knowing
if she wanted to be a mother

he took me away
to play supermario
then kisses

for 6 months
with my first love
never having really felt a connection
with a soul in my life

he held me as i cried
just figuring out
that i was not healthy
my mind was playing tricks

he broke up with me
because i kissed his friend
tim
during truth or dare

i still miss him
my eternal flame
started the rollercoaster
of a lifelong battle
with unreal emotions

****************************

ani difranco
im not a pretty girl

me 21

driving away from my life
to start somewhere fresh
not needing anyone
but myself
with hope
eternal

not what i expected
running away
not a solution

im not a pretty girl
i do need to be saved

*******************************

chicago
you the inspiration

kristy 11
me 11

my best friend
moves a town away
i stay over
i miss her

i sneak out
alone
to meet with her guy friend
to make out with him

we are no longer friends
becasue i abused her trust

i miss you kristy

****************************

my name is luca
tiffany
debbie gibson
madonna


me 12

i am the leader
of all my friends
i choreograph a lipsyncing show
at our apartments
for all too see

all outfits match
all steps in sync
not a missed word
everyone watching
cheering

i am a star

********************************

kyrie
mr.mister

steve 23
me 23

in the parking lot of our bar
a frined equipped with his guitar
and the makings of any song ever made

steve says
play that song
you know
"give me a laser down the road that i must travel"

um steve
do you mean "kyrie a laison"

ahh maybe

a soundtrack for his life
hearing one thing
saying another

misread

he gives me a baby
he leaves me

kyrie a laison
down the road that i must travel

i here

make the magic start

***************************
james taylor

in the event of my death
to be played while they burn me

what my fears go up in the smoke
i will be ok

when you hear him
remember me
what i smell like
how i feel to your touch
how i made you feel
if you loved me

remember as i do
in a song

MMPI

the test on thursday
MMPI

absolute fear

will they find out
will they want to keep me away from other people
for fear that i will take their breathe
and not remember

sometimes it tells me to pick up a knife
and carve it into that one
that one that hurt me

not only one
but one at a time
the uncle
the priest
my father
the friends
the betrayers

i take back
tell him to stop talking to me
yell sometimes
i cant take a life
the depths of hell are not my playground

i scream WHY
why am i not allowed to enjoy
not even ice cream
guilt
i should be cleaning or helping someone

last night i screamed
why am i not allowed
have i offended the gods
by not believeing what i was told to

he walks in an says to me
"its not easy being you is it?"
hold me
make me stop trembling
let my breathe release

do i tell her i want to hurt people
i am supposed to
in therapy
shed all

i dont want her to judge me
so i hold it in

i miss my little princess
im holding back my love
all feelings
only letting out the cold

she can feel it
red flags up
"dont bother mommy"

tonight i will tell her i am sick
i will get better
a future for us is on the way

school starts in october
i wonder if the wonderdrugs will kick in by then

im cold
but the sweat pours out of me
i think i am sick
very sick
i cant shake it
mental and physical
it pours out
and seeps into the souls around me

they know
and their afraid to see it for what it really is