whats down there

goin fishin
the only place i feel calm
sittin on the sandbar
with my book
my rod resting in the Y-stick
waiting for the tip to bounce

setting the hook
trying to reel 'em in
the struggle is sometimes a challenge
because the fish can grow to be as big as me
getting 'em up to the shore
putting on my gloves
so i dont get stung
ever so gently manuvering the hook out of its mouth
telling him im sorry
for disrupting his day
laying him back in the water
and watching him swim away
to the black depths that scare me

i wonder what they do down there
in that black mucky water
it swirls like a tornado
making us humans scared to go into it
are they at peace?
or do they struggle with their surroundings as we do
on land
is there more down there than meets the eye?
is there love and hate and anxiety and depression
and wars
do they have wars
and a president with his head stuck so far up his ass he doesnt know what side of the river to stay out of
because its none of his business
what do they do for entertainment
watch the seahorses dance
play craps
make love

and are there mermaids
i need to know if theres mermaids

save me from myself...

si i wanted to make a post today
for cheyenne
to celebrate his wisdom
and brilliance
but my color cartridge ran out
so i couldnt make the collages i wanted to
sorry babe
maybe tomorrow

so instead ill tell you
why i feel like i want to stab my own heart out

i took a nap today
while my daughter was still here
she didnt want me to
she wanted me to play barbies
but depression has made me tired
so i slept instead
during my nap
i dreamt that my daughter was trying to kill me
over and over again

then i dreamt that "the kisser"
tried to kill me
by pushing me off a boat
and watching me drown
in the mississippi river

i have always feared that river
lived by it all my life
swam in it hundreds of times
but i dream that it will take my life
about once a week

i have dreamt
that my daughter n di are going over the bridge near my house
and we crash and go into the water
for some reason she is wearing her lifejacket
and i get her out of her carseat
and out of the van
onto safe land
where someone is waiting to rescue her
but something pulls me under
and i drown
every time

i feel like im doing it wrong
my life that is
somethings missing
and there are days when i have shut off my feelings
and sleep
today was one of those days

i fear that i will die alone
in that black frigid water
and noone will care

im going to bed now
to kiss my daughter
and hold her
so that the water doesnt get into her dreams
but if it does
her lifejacket will keep us afloat
and i will never let go

ode to sandra

the princess of evil
is feeling a bit low
someone that is less than human
made her feel unworthy
by not putting her in his rediculous blog


she is not unworthy
she is too good
to be associated with such trash

here in my world
she is a goddess
of both good and evil
and she deserves the very best
even if it is just in our imagination
i hope for her to smile
because she has earned it

these are for you sandra
i hope they make you tinkle
just a little bit











loves and kisses, lilred

(i hope you dont mind me altering the pics. tell me if you recognize anything special)

my second interview from the ubiemeister(i think i got the job)

The Rules
1. Leave me a comment saying 'interview me please'
2. I will respond by asking you five questions on your blog (not the same questions you see here)
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

LilRed questions:

1. Someone gives you $10,000, but you can only spend it on a vacation. Where do you go and what do you do?
i would go to paris. the louvre in particular to kiss the mona lisa and tell her all my dirty little secrets...
then i would go to sicily and ride on the gandalas all day. i would "accidentally" fall off of one hoping that my soulmate would jump into the river to rescue me..then we would go to his families house for a huge feast and he would propose (i would accept of course) then we would make love all night...

2. You're standing at a bus stop and a dog pees on your leg. What do you say to the dog's owner?
are you italian?
if he answers yes i would ask him to marry me
if he says no , i would kick him in the nuts and tell him that was for his dog but i dont believe in animal cruelty




3. What's the last movie that made you cry and why?
charlie and the chocolate factory
i was very upset that the oompa loompas werent green and purple and they didnt sing the oompa loompa song...not cool johnny, you shouldve known better!

4. What did you put in your daughter's Easter basket this year?
a set of kids golf clubs(which i am regretting rightnow because she insists on golfing in the house.

5. Would you rather shave your head or never shave your body hair? hmm, well, i wax all of my body hair .....but that would be cheating the question so id have to say never shave my body hair(cause you can cover that up with clothes and you cant always wear a hat.

btw, heres my kiss test.

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

this is what happens when im not around

my wonderful daughter madeline went bowling last night with some friends. i was working so her dad got her ready for this excursion by:
1. not combing her hair
2. not washing her face
3. putting horribly mismatched clothing on her

i am a very anal retentive person and i like my daughter to be clean,groomed and well dressed when we leave the house. apparently my ex does not care. although she looks absolutely adorable all the time, i would prefer that other people not think that my daughter looks like a rugrat with bad hair(i put her hair in french braids on monday and when he took them out he didnt wash her hair)

k, i just wanted to get that out.

nate

when i dream about him
i wake up wet
*down there*


that is all.


add on

i just want everyone to know that ive already been there, done that with this guy. we are not doing it anymore, thanks to a friend of mine that has a big mouth. i just sometimes think about it because he really did know how to work things...and i really enjoyed it.

its been a few months and im over it, it was just a sex thing and that is all. you know, sometimes you just need one of those...

hmm....gonna take some advice from the almighty(and very wise) bee's knee's now, so if you'll excuse me...

this crazy little thing called sex...

First of all...Ubie, I love you!, but for some reason i cannot find the questions you asked me oh so long ago. I am finally ready to figure out how this interview thingy works...so here goes. My questions from Sandra.


The Rules
1. Leave me a comment saying 'interview me please'
2. I will respond by asking you five questions on your blog (not the same questions you see here)3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions


The Interview:
1. Have you ever kissed a girl before? If yes, with tongue? If no, do you want to, or would you ever?
yes. with tongue. it was very sweet.

2. Where is the craziest place you've ever had sex? (and by "place" I don't mean like "in the ass", I mean an actual place like an elevator, car, swimming pool, etc.)
in the ladies room at my local grocery store, up against the wall, 5 months pregnant.(hey when you gotta do it, you gotta do it)(yes it was witht he father)

3. Have you ever "tossed the salad"?never ever. i dont like the taste of poop thanks.


4. What part of your body do you like the best?
my hair. besides my daughter i have yet to see anyone with the exact same color. and it feels like silk


5. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at the same time? If yes, how many people
and how many were girls/guys? If not, would you? and if so, would you prefer it with guys, girls
or both
well, once i had sex with a one-night stand while my gay friend was in the same bed. we thought he was sleeping until i asked the guy to grab a condom and my gay friend jumped out of bed and said "ill get it"

i had sex with one woman and one man at te same time. it was very hot.
i dont think that if i was in a commited relationship i could do that with my partner. it feels much less strange when you dont really know the people.

i prefer one of each. if you are with two guys at the same time theres always that weirdness between the two of them becasue they are not gay.


holy baring my soul here, thanks sandra I *love* you.