please

please go to rosie.com
click on the link at the top of her blog with bridge in the title
it should be on the front page

i have been crying for 30 minutes
i am so selfish
i dont think about those people 24 hours a day
i go and buy myself clothes
when i should be sending some to them
i am so selfish
i am cooking steak dinners for myself
not finishing them
and throwing whole steaks away

i buy a loaf of bread
forget about it on the counter or in the breadbox
till it gets moldy
then throw it away

waste of food

i buy one outfit for one ocassion
then never wear it again

waste of clothing

i let the water run in the sink when i am doing dishes or taking a shower
i flush my toilet after i blow my nose and waste a whole toilet full of water

i waste pop
and milk
and food
and clothing
and gas

i am a selfish bitch

if i had to go thru what they are going thru
i probably would have killed myself
find my daughter a safe home with family
then die

i am not that strong
i pretend to be
i am not

i am selfish
insecure
and fat

please watch that video
so you can see what i see

i need someone to understand

non-titled

ill watch you

and curse you
until you are no longer a prick
you deserve the worst
your aura is black
your eyes are red
i can see the evil
stop hurting people
prick


i am sick of your evil
im watching with non-naive eyes
i could pick you out in a crowd
you are glowing
like radioactive shit

i will never feel pity on you
i will hate you
forever
peice of shit


fuck off!
kiss my fuckin fat ass




i hope karma gets you

my monalisa smile in not translucent
you now know exactly how i feel

my aura is black today
i feel evil
i wanna be a bitch to every person that i cross paths with
just say something nasty to hurt them
as these people have hurt me

fuckers

this is what i do all day....

i get depressed
and i make pretty things
to brighten up my house
from the doom and gloom in my heart

i have lots and lots of these
thinking maybe i should ask a store in town if i can sell them there
or maybe online
think i could do it?
i make like ten or so a week
my friends tell me they like them
but they are my friends and probably dont want to hurt my feelings

be honest

btw, im not that talented with the camara and they look alot better in person. they are rose bowls. you can put tealights in them and the fire shines thru the stained glass. or they can be used as a vase. put in sunlight and the colors will spray your walls...







the white parts are pearl..they sparkle like a new snow in the sunlight..

the gyno is fun

went to the gyno today
tests ands tuff
she puts in the speculum
i whine as usual
cause lets face it girls
the things hurt like a bitch
cold
metal
stuck in your crotch

i try to make a joke
to lighten the mood
so i say to my doctor(as shes scraping my vaginal walls)
i dont know how i stand having sex cause having something stuck in my crotch really hurts

she laughs
pinches my vagina(on accident)
and says
"do you know how many people i want to say that to"

frickin whiners

p.s. women, please remember to give yourself monthly breast exams. it is very very important

i dont want to sleep alone
i go there with hope
that he'll come to me

im sad
i feel untouched
its been so long
the feeling of a loved one with arms
wrapped around me

yet still i push

i sleep alone
a most frightful hing
to be unloved
not be held

im having anxiety
as i type this
all those people
that will never feel again
loved ones floating past them

i call him
he's sleeping
i want to be there
to tell him im sorry
to be held again
to be trusted

i fucked it up again
i will sleep alone yet again tonight
it hurts

i could die tomorrow
unheld

my hero

my ex step-father-in-law is leaving for new orleans next week
he is getting all the required shots and taking the crash training course for disaster this week

he is a 67 year-old retired pathologist and coroner,
a humanitarian,
a wonderful grandpa,
a brilliant doctor,
caring and gentle father and husband,
and my new hero.

i wanted to take the red cross course,
go to the south, and help out in any way i could,
but my family wouldnt let me go.

my mother in law made a good point to me today
she said "he will help enough for the both of us, no, he will do enough for ten people"

he will
he will stay down there until everyone is better
and everyone is safe

i know he will

he is my hero
thank you Don
for being in this world
i couldnt ask for a better grandpa for my daughter,
a friend,
a human bowl of knowledge,
and it doesnt hurt to have a brilliant doctor in the family.

i will think of you every day you are gone
and although i will never experience what you are about to go through,
i know you will do everything you can to make the world a better place for those people that have lost everything.

please be safe
and thank you

Don
My hero