i want to beleive
that what i did last night
was for the best

sleeping with the enemy
and my best friend

trying to talk him into giving maddie a sibling

my need is so intense
it scares me by the minute

is it bad that i want my family back?

i dont think so

i am the oldest of nine
we are not close
steps and halfs
going our seperate ways every other weekend
never really bonding

im scared
i want maddie to love me

money

today on the way to work
my alternater went out
i walked two miles to work
in an early minnesota winter

200 dollars to fix it
im 232 dollars in the hole in my checking account
with 400 dollars worth of checks still out

my check on thursday will be about 250
not enough
its been slow and my tips have been shit

i was just offered a couple thousand dollars to do a 20 minute internet porn video

and im seriously thinking about doing it

what do you think the chances are that my dad wil ever see it?