smellybutt

i smell so bad today
i think something died inside of me
it wont go away

ever have one of those days
i cant get away from people
and i hold it in
then my tummy hurts
then i get sick

i work with this 65year old lady
she farts all day at work
she is a frickin hostess at my resterant!
(i cannot beleive i cant spell that word either)
anywhoo..
she will be seating a table next to where im taking an order
and ill hear this low rumble
brrrrrrrt
then another
the crescendo
then a quick
pop

its all i can do to not blow snot out my nose from trying to keep laughter in

last week i was standing on the far side of the resteraunt
watching the sunrise over the river
i hear it
really really loud
i thought it was the frickin train!
i look over at a coworker standing next to me
her face is bright red
she gets so mad when the hostess does this
(it is quite embarassing when the customers hear it)

but i start laughing and so does she
then three more times in 5 minutes
(ok, the hostess stand is 25 feet away from where we are and i swear i felt the floor rumble)
we have to go out for a smoke to stop laughing

yesterday, right at opening
i walk to the bakery to get a blueberry muffin
usually i can smell chocolate, muffins and apple cinnimon
eminating from the bakery
not then
rotten eggs
the whole place
i had to run into the kitchen so i wouldnt throw up

what the hell did she eat
whatever it was i think i ate it today
cause i smell that bad

sorry, just had to share
( i think farts are funny and my daughter has also been doing it all day, she actually just woke herself up from the loudness of her own fart..or from feeling better after releasing all that pressure in her little belly)

k, nite

Just do it!

Get a brazillian
they hurt a little
but its worth the pain

imagine never having that "5 oclock shadow" after you shave
(you know how much you hate the itchies)

and you feel so clean!
wow!

do it really
its only once a month
and you will love it

ok, enough random nonsense

just breathe

i did not win

one foot in front of the other
good one nikki
thats the way to do it

i too dated someone who left for the bighouse
twas a very sad day when he left
he deserved it though
naughty things

working too much
no time for sleep
or food
or fun

i miss the boy
that made me smile for a few weeks
talking on the phone
not the same

at work yesterday
a new waitress told me
that the cooks were sexually harrassing her in the kitchen
talking about her suckin their dicks

she was mortified
and scared

i told them to stop
they apologized to her
she told them it didnt bother her

but it did

she is very timid
and wants everyone to like her
i can understand that
but thats how rape happens
letting them do it because yo dont have the courage to say no

i told on them
i had to
what they did wasnt right
and she wouldnt do it

i was raped
overpowered
scared and weak

i wont let any more women get sexually harrassed
not on my watch

stand up for yourselves
tell them to fuck off
then get out of dodge

i hope they get fired
they do not deserve to be in her presence
beautiful intelligent women
we need to stick together
fight it

i found the yucky smell that was in my room
my daughter dropped a cup with milk in it behind my bed
couldnt sleep in here for days
still making me nausaus
yuck yuck

i miss her when shes with her dad

she does a cheer for me

"awesome
oh wow
like, totally freak me out i mean right on
mommy sure is number one"

my big girl
*sigh*