a loss

tomorrow
im going to watch a friend get buried
36
breast cancer

im overwhelmed
i dont want to go

i have buried many friends
most were suicide
overdoses
and drunk driving

all under 30

to know that she suffered
and didnt do anything to bring it on

this will be harder than the rest

.............................................................

a long time ago
i gave up christianity

i dont beleive

im scared of miracles
they are haunting
mystical

im reading a book
that is slowly changing the way i look at god

mother mary
mother of god
miracle worker

i think she is real

i need something to believe in

.........................................................

tomorrow at the church
i will ask mary
if she is taking care of my friends

i hope she talks back.