he fucks up my insides

i pull up to the gaspump
i see the truck and think to myself
" theres no way its him, must be a truck that looks just like his"
i glance at the man walking out of the store
" he loos just like him but thats not him"
in a moment a million emotions run thru my body
my heart hurts just thinking about him
thinking ill never see him again
see that smile that makes me weak

i get out of the van
walk towards the door and take a big sigh
look up to the stars and wonder if illl ever be lucky enough to feel this love
my hands to my face rubbing my temples
to take away the thoughts

"honk"
instinctively i turn to see who honked
i squint and look into the truck
its him

he smiles at me
my heart stops beating
my legs frreze and i stand there like an idiot
not smiling or waving
just standing there staring

he waves me into the store and says he'll see me when i come out
i go to the cashier to get smokes
but i forget why im standing there
she looks to see if i have gas on a pump
i just stare at her
she opens her eyes wide with that "do you need something" look

"yes, sorry marlboro ultra lights please"
she gets my smokes
gives me change
im dreading walking back outside

what do i say?
im scared i will say something stupid
i have to walk back outside
cant stay here forever
he is waiting

i walk out
he is standing next to the truck
big smile on his adorable face

*huge sigh*
i forgot how beautiful he is
he takes my breathe away

i feel electricity
we both do
im sure of it

we exchange a few witty phrases
my heart almost leaping out of my chest the entire time
i start to feel scared
i know im never going to see him again

for some reason he is procrastinating
he wont get in his truck and drive away
he's waiting for me to ask him to come over

i dont
im scared that i will fall so hard in love with him that ill never be able to let go

i didnt feel this crazy about anyone else i have ever been with

fuck!

i got in my car and drove away
stuck my hand out the window and waved
i didnt even say goodbye
just walked away

i dont even remember if i smiled

almost crashed my van on the way home
forgot to turn to my house
sat in the car for half and hour and cried

long deep breaths
come back to your senses toni
hes gone

clean the house
watch grey's anatomy
ball my fuckin eyes out
(ill blame the show but really every tear shed is for him)

if he was here right now
i would tell him i want to marry him
he would be the missing piece

give me love sweet boy
quit running away from your problems
im here for you
and i always will be