if i were to write to post secret.....dont judge me, im only human
sometimes i regret bringing my daughter into this world
because in my heart i know the world will end
in her lifetime
and i dont want her to suffer through that.
i have dreams of my mommy dying
i think in all reality it would take away her pain
i was molested by my preist
i didnt turn him in
this year i found out he did it to my baby sister too.
i dont call my parents or siblings much
because i feel like i hardly know them
but if i called them (or they called me)
we would be close
my aunt denied that her boyfriend raped me
until she wanted custody of her son back
then she called me and asked me to press charges
7 years too late
i feel like my dead friends and family watch me masterbate
i pawned a ring my mom gave me when i was 17
i think it was to be her wedding band when she married my birth father
(which she didnt)
and i forgot to pick it up in time
now its been sold
and i feel guilty everyday
i grow my hair out really long
cause it makes me feel sexy
then when i hit rock bottom
i cut it all off myself
ive done this 4 times in my life
and ive saved the ponytails in plastic baggies
maybe someday i will muster up the courage
to donate them to locks of love
one of my closest friends grosses me out almost everyday
he doesnt wash his hands
licks his fingers when he eats
smells like ass all the time
and constantly puts me down
but i dont have the courage to tell him he is bothering me
because im afraid ill hurt his feelings
my two long-term ex boyfriends broke my heart so bad
that i turn down every offer for a date
because i dont want to hurt like that again
i will be alone forever
im afraid this will set a bad example
for my daughter
one of my good friends
cheats on her boyfriend all the time
and i wanna tell him
because what shes doing is wrong
and secretly
i wanna see her get hurt
when he leaves
i call in sick to work when im depressed
because im a waitress
and whats the point of going to work
when im not gonna make good tips
i hate christmas
because in my heart i know the world will end
in her lifetime
and i dont want her to suffer through that.
i have dreams of my mommy dying
i think in all reality it would take away her pain
i was molested by my preist
i didnt turn him in
this year i found out he did it to my baby sister too.
i dont call my parents or siblings much
because i feel like i hardly know them
but if i called them (or they called me)
we would be close
my aunt denied that her boyfriend raped me
until she wanted custody of her son back
then she called me and asked me to press charges
7 years too late
i feel like my dead friends and family watch me masterbate
i pawned a ring my mom gave me when i was 17
i think it was to be her wedding band when she married my birth father
(which she didnt)
and i forgot to pick it up in time
now its been sold
and i feel guilty everyday
i grow my hair out really long
cause it makes me feel sexy
then when i hit rock bottom
i cut it all off myself
ive done this 4 times in my life
and ive saved the ponytails in plastic baggies
maybe someday i will muster up the courage
to donate them to locks of love
one of my closest friends grosses me out almost everyday
he doesnt wash his hands
licks his fingers when he eats
smells like ass all the time
and constantly puts me down
but i dont have the courage to tell him he is bothering me
because im afraid ill hurt his feelings
my two long-term ex boyfriends broke my heart so bad
that i turn down every offer for a date
because i dont want to hurt like that again
i will be alone forever
im afraid this will set a bad example
for my daughter
one of my good friends
cheats on her boyfriend all the time
and i wanna tell him
because what shes doing is wrong
and secretly
i wanna see her get hurt
when he leaves
i call in sick to work when im depressed
because im a waitress
and whats the point of going to work
when im not gonna make good tips
i hate christmas
posted by GingerSnaps at 11:31 PM
15 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ouch. you're too real, most people lie and wear facades so it kinda hurts to come across a real-raw human being whom I completely sympathize with.
I hesitate at having kids because I don't want to bring them into this terrible world and it just seems selfish - yet the bilological clock clicks like a time bomb as of late.
The masterbate comment - holy shit - yes, me too, only I attribute it to my catholic upbringing of perpetual guilt.
Your gross close friend - is a dick if he's putting you down - you deserve better.
I cut all of my hair off 6 years ago and I've never grown it back because I never want to go backwards.
Wow.
I know this is why I find myself resurfacing here so regularly. You're conscious and raw in a way few humans can be, and even fewer that live with a mental illness [You know I am also a BeeP, yes? Somethin' fierce].
The weight of your experiences have undoubtedly shaped you're outlook on so many things... a weaker, less emotionally intelligent person would've certainly stood a higher chance of opting out long ago; something has kept you going. I hope there are days on which you are able to glimpse your own strength- sometimes you actually have to look for it.
Curious you would mention Post Secret, as it's something I've only been palpably drawn to in recent weeks; Malcolm brought it to my attention months ago and although I found it interesting, I haven't been particularly inclined to return. After scrolling through yesterday's posts there, I set to work without a moment's hesitation, fetching the materials necessary to construct something snail-mailable (I'd forgotten how to deposit an actual letter in an actual mailbox until Boy left for the Clink, but I'm seasoned once again)...
As you've noticed, I am having immense difficulty in terms of an inaugural post on this roadblock some choose to call my blog. Your post shed some light on this for me. My conscience seems to physically prevent me from being anything less than brutally honest, and I think that paralyzes me on some level. It's so tempting to be someone else online; the person I want to be - a person I find so pretty and satisfying on paper.
It's still a struggle in acceptance, both by myself and others. Perhaps I will always be a work-in-progress in this respect. Gotta be brave. Reality tells me that a blog like the one described above would be hard pressed to hold my attention.
You're my motivation today. I find you nothing less than amazing.
I agree, LilRed. Most people walk around trying to pretend they're perfect and everything's under control.
You tell the truth. And it gives other people the courage to tell the truth. Because we've all got shit going on -- if not now, in the past or in the future.
We loves ya, baby.
The molestation and rape that you endured is NOT YOUR FAULT
It's never too late to call your family if you really think there is still something there
Tell Smelly to go fuck himself. He puts YOU down? And he doesn't bathe or wash his hands?? What an asshole. Sounds like he's trying to put you down to make himself feel better. How can you hurt someone who doesn't seem to have feelings? Tell him the truth - it will set you free. Hopefully free of him!
Being alone is not a bad example for your daughter - as long as you are happy. You can prove to her that she can be self-sufficient and happy without depending on a man. But you can also LOVE YOURSELF and by these means, allow someone to love you. Then you can teach your daughter all about self respect and love.
Christmas is a time of hope. I hope you can remember the magic and enjoy your daughter, who I'm sure loves Christmas!
Good luck. Hang in there. Your baby needs you to stay around!!
That bit about the ring made me sad.
I totally understand about the sick days, though! I think calling in sick for mental health is valid.
i encourage you all to please write a post secret post. it feels really good. even if its just one tiny secret...just do it..
ok, ill call it a meme..
DO IT
I love Post Secret and you have written some great stuff. Also, ditto for me on the masturbation.
Really, really wonderfully honest writing. Thank you.
dang gurl... that was phenominal. really wow. putting your painful thoughts out there shows such strength.
Have I ever told you you're my hero?
I thought I was the only who thought about the masturbation thing! I actually have come to a consensus that all my guardian angels have moved on cause I just cant stop masturbating sometimes but I dont care. Sorry i've been away for awhile and I wish I had the courage you do to blog about it. Im just scared of judgement or losing friends. Plus I just told this really cute girl about my blog today and I hope I havent ruined it for myself!
thank again to all of you. i have alot more secrets and i will be sharing them as soon as i can figure out how to word them correctly to make me not look like a serial killer..(k, not really serial killer, but just mentally unstable) cripes, you already knew that!
very much so inky. very much. i actually just finished 5 actual postsecret postcards tonight. ill be sending them tomorrow. if they dont make it on there, ill post them on here.
Just wanted to say "hi", I enjoyed reading your post and I'll keep an eye on things. Keep up the excellent work.
Cheers,
Jazz bands for weddings
Hello all
Excellent site. It was pleasant to me.
100 free sex stories
adult sex card games
anal amy sex blog
appetizers for sex parties
are you bisexual test
best admin
Oskar Thomsen
Post a Comment
<< Home