chubby days

yesterday i worked out for three hours
ate one meal
200 calories
felt guilty for eating
i wish there was a way to just not eat till you lose what you need to
why is ffod such a priority?
why do i love it?
anything salty
mmmm....
so i worked out to get rid of the calories
weighed myself,
which i do everyday
hmmm..
the scale says i lost 4 more lbs.
weird
i cant see the difference
other people claim they can
i think they just dont wanna piss me off
or just want something

i have those days
when i feel fatter than the day before
even when i was thin i did
i think its more depression than weight
or the weight turning into depression
who knows
i just know i have them
i call them chubby days
when nothing can go right
and all the world is looking at you
without their rose colored glasses
but with"shes fat " glasses
i hate those days
its enough to drive you to drink
which is what i usually do when i hav those days
not good
liquor has alot of calories
so i feel good when im drinking it
then the next day
when im hungover and cant open my eyes
i feel fat again
so for weeks
all the chubby days seem to run together
cause its a vicious cycle
the booze
the weight
the depression
the being lonely and eating because you are lonely
then being alone because you eat
geez, when will it ever end
but then their comes a person
who in your wildest dreams you thought could never make you feel good
or give you a compliment
and he does
and its the truth
and from the heart
and it breaks the cycle
and you are happy
thank you steve
for giving me my child
for being my friend
for complimenting me when you only mean it
for breaking up with me
and still remaining my friend
for sticking up for me when people talk shit
and for putting up with 6 years of chubby days
you are truly and wonderful man

ok, im off to work out....