bash things

i am so mad right now
dont know why
a feeling has just come over me
i think im mad at someone
not sure who
myself?
my ex?
a friend?
a stranger?
god?
the feeling is intense
i am redy to cry
tears in my eyes
overwhelming sense of fear
heartache
devastation
i just had a bitrhday party
love the people
felt uncomfortable
very unstable
listening to ani difranco
helps me vent
wish i could sing
i sound terrible, make myself laugh
then i feel mad again
overwhelming fight
want to punch
yell at anyone that will listen
i guess im typing instead
fuck i am so mad
i should run
or cry
but i cant
because my body wont let me
feel an anxiety attack coming on
dont want to have it
afraid people will know
that im crazy for no reason
dont know if this is an up or a down
must be an up because i have energy
im going to paint and paint and paint and sing
and swear and cry and laugh
i have to stop typing
nobody wants to read this
the raving of a crazy woman
who really just needs someone to hold i think
done
cant rave
my life is fine
i have nothing to be mad about
just lonely
and depressed
self pity does bad things to a person
like having them rant about nothing