crying

damn
i cant stop crying today
i feel so disgruntled
(probably not the right word)
oh well
i feel like im stuck
i need to get out there and help
ok i will
i need to get a job
so many things to do
im 29 and have no idea what i want to do when i grow up
ya i know"you are grownup"
no im not
i feel like a little girl
distracted from all the pretty things in the world
i never had that
pretty things
just bad things
then i got a job
that took away my world
took up all my time
and energy
and beautiful
now im out
and i want to discover
and paint
and play
instead of being stuck indoors with miserable people
misery loves company
i figured that out quick
they bring oyu down
with gossip
and self pity
i hate gossip
pisses me off
trying to hurt someone else
for your own enjoyment
bastards
i used to be one of those people
i hurt many
i wish
i could tell them all that im sorry
make amends
hmmm
maybe now
thru my new found realities
i can do that
send them a hug
in my dreams
because i know now
what it feels
to be on the other side
and it hurts
ok not hurts really but
devastates
breaks your heart
and i dont want anyone
EVER
to feel like that again
i am going to hug now,
every person i see today
theyll thinks im nuts
but i dont care
they probably need it
just like i do