ani difranco

listening to ani
feeling sad
a friend is in trouble
i hurt for him
dont know if i can help
my pain runs so deep
not sure if i can make him smile
im trying
not to cry
i felt the same way about him
a long time ago
its easy to relate
to the pain

staying up till all hours
shaking from the fear
not knowing
thats the worst part
the not knowing
if their cheating
or just 18 hours late

feeling helpless
from everything in your life
because it has revolved around them
for too many years

dont know how to think on your own
cant face your friends
it could have been them
that he was sleeping with
all the secrets
and the lies
they tangle all up into each other
they cant keep them straight

you start to pick up on it
the late night hangups
the secret codes

i heard them all
they made me sick

shaking so bad you cannot drive
or walk
or talk
or breathe

you go over it in your head
does he love her?
is he sleeping with her?
am i just here to pay the bills?

cant sleep
cant work
cant eat
cant look at anything
without it reminding you of them

you finally see it
them with someone else
the gut
the feeling
like a fisherman just took a knife to your gut
and dug out your whole life
it feels like your end

if your lucky
like i was
you can get away
with help from friends
packing up your things for you
because you dont want to do it
it hurts so bad
your end

cant get away from the constant feeling
that something is missing
from your world
not so much missing
as ripped out
and stomped on

but it got better
when i got away
all the memories
fading away
the crying stops
the nervousness in the pit of your stomach
goes away
wondering what their doing
and who their with
slowly dwindles
as you step into your new life
new friends
new hangouts
new jobs

but someday theyll come back
not wanting you back
but wanting your comfort
help from their own pain

im trying to help
but slowly the memories are coming back
and its hard to help
someone that tore out your life

so i listen to ani
she makes me feel
there is not a word to describe
how i feel
when i listen to her pain
its just there
like she understands me

this is my life

"not a pretty girl"
i am not a pretty girl
that is not what i do
i aint no damsel in distress
and i dont need to be rescued
so put me down punk
wouldnt you prefer a maiden fare
isnt there a kitten
stuck up a tree somewhere

i am not an angry girl
but it seems like ive got everyone fooled
everytime i say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger and never to their own fear

imagine your a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they prefer you were dirty
and smiling

well i am sorry
i am not a maiden fare
i am not a kitten
stuck up a tree somewhere

what if there no damsels in distress
what if i knew that
and i called your bluff

dont you think every kitten
firgures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up

i am not a pretty girl
i dont really wanna be a pretty girl
i wanna be more than a pretty girl


because of ani, i am a stronger woman
i will get thru this
and help him
he feels about her
how i felt about him
and its killing him
like it almost did me
be strong and breathe
cause ill be there with you the whole time
trying to make you smile