'tis the season
holy crap i havent blogged in a while!
i always think about the friends ive lost this time of year.
i wonder what their loved ones are going thru
if they still are thought about when people buy presents
like "oh, i bet joe would really like this"
and then remember that they are gone.
well, i just found this pic of my friends joe and shannon
he commited suicide 5 years ago
while i was in florida on vacation
i came home to a gloomy roomate
i knew he had something to tell me
when the phone rang he answered it
sat me down and told me i needed to take this call
it was shannon
she told me that joe was having problems with the mother of his child
she wouldnt let him see the baby
threatening to make him pay all this money
(he didnt care about the money, he just wanted to see zoey)
he called shannon and tried to break up with her
but she knew something was wrong
so she kept him on the phone
trying to talk to him
then she heard a loud screeching sound
dropped the phone and drove over to his house
his roomates were sitting in the livingroom
oblivious to what she had heard
she ran to his bedroom
broke down the door
and found that joe had blown his head off with a shotgun
phone still in hand
she told me all of this
calmly
without tears
sweet shannon
she was more worried about how i would react
than to losing her soulmate
we lost touch after the funeral
things were hard
i think we reminded her of him
as she did for us.
why joe?
i thought of you this year
when shopping for gifts
remembering you and shannon
so happy together
running out to the truck
for a quickie
in the middle of a poker game
i always think about the friends ive lost this time of year.
i wonder what their loved ones are going thru
if they still are thought about when people buy presents
like "oh, i bet joe would really like this"
and then remember that they are gone.
well, i just found this pic of my friends joe and shannon
he commited suicide 5 years ago
while i was in florida on vacation
i came home to a gloomy roomate
i knew he had something to tell me
when the phone rang he answered it
sat me down and told me i needed to take this call
it was shannon
she told me that joe was having problems with the mother of his child
she wouldnt let him see the baby
threatening to make him pay all this money
(he didnt care about the money, he just wanted to see zoey)
he called shannon and tried to break up with her
but she knew something was wrong
so she kept him on the phone
trying to talk to him
then she heard a loud screeching sound
dropped the phone and drove over to his house
his roomates were sitting in the livingroom
oblivious to what she had heard
she ran to his bedroom
broke down the door
and found that joe had blown his head off with a shotgun
phone still in hand
she told me all of this
calmly
without tears
sweet shannon
she was more worried about how i would react
than to losing her soulmate
we lost touch after the funeral
things were hard
i think we reminded her of him
as she did for us.
why joe?
i thought of you this year
when shopping for gifts
remembering you and shannon
so happy together
running out to the truck
for a quickie
in the middle of a poker game
posted by GingerSnaps at 1:58 PM
10 Comments:
I had a friend who committed suicide when I was in college. They buried him on his 19th birthday. I still think about him every year on that day.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
The ones left behind hurt forever.
I'm so sorry Lilred. I wish you much happiness in the new year.
I am hurting for you and with you.
Suicide is a subject so close to me- I am seldom capable of relating my real perspective in words, even in real time.
Thank you; I am lighting candles today for those who've gone. I know in their pain - a pain entirely inconceivable to any on the other side - it eluded them that so many would be so affected for so long - indefinitely, even. That's just not how the mind works.
xo
That's just terrible, Lilred. It'll never make sense, I guess.
You're still here, though, and I wish you all the best for the New Year.
does it ever get any better?
you all know how i feel dont you?
do you feel guilty when you forget about them for 5 minutes and try to live your life?
I DO.
grim. i don't think i'd feel guilty ...more like rage and utter sadness. i'm glad you shared that with us. it's hopefully cathartic for you.
It's always hard when you lose someone but it's even worse to know that they did it to themselves when they could've got help from somewhere. I wish you well over the new year break.
LilRed...
You don't think you deserve happiness and good things in your life, but you do.
Instead of feeling guilty because you're not suffering while others do/did, think of the sacrifices you made for Maddy and other loved ones, and think about how you've earned a little bit of happiness.
I can't believe it has been 5 years already. I used to see her when I would walk into work a few years back. I wonder how she is?
well, she was dating his brother for a while but that didnt work out. shes probably still in school..
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