im my inspiration
i realized yesterday
in the middle of an anxiety attack
that 15 years ago this week
some really important things
took place
( i was gonna say happened to me but "happened to me" didnt really seem appropriate)
my boyfriend (23) me (14)
went to prison to serve his 5 year drug sentence
he wanted me to wait for him
the night he left i slept with his best friend
tripped on acid for the first time
stole a car (while on acid)
got busted (mom called the cops)
got thrown in jail
met my real dad for the first time
pissed him off enough that he and my mom decided to send me to a shelter home for girls
stayed two days then ran away
stole another car to get home
slept with boyfriends other best friend(22)
and almost drown in a hot tub
then almost died from alcohol poisening
woke up on the bathroom floor of a strangers house
not knowing if i has sex with said stranger or not
had first aids test
this really happened to me all in one week
thinking about this now
im grateful to be alive
as depressed as i get
im a strong woman
and a wonderful mom
and i know now
that i can indeed get thru anything
if i got thru that week
i know i have done worse
and i have obviously pulled thru
i have blocked most of my life out somehow
but every once in a while
bits and peices come thru
in some cosmic way
to let me know
my life has been worse...
even though i dont believe in religion
i believe in a higher power
someones watching
and taking care of lilred.
in the middle of an anxiety attack
that 15 years ago this week
some really important things
took place
( i was gonna say happened to me but "happened to me" didnt really seem appropriate)
my boyfriend (23) me (14)
went to prison to serve his 5 year drug sentence
he wanted me to wait for him
the night he left i slept with his best friend
tripped on acid for the first time
stole a car (while on acid)
got busted (mom called the cops)
got thrown in jail
met my real dad for the first time
pissed him off enough that he and my mom decided to send me to a shelter home for girls
stayed two days then ran away
stole another car to get home
slept with boyfriends other best friend(22)
and almost drown in a hot tub
then almost died from alcohol poisening
woke up on the bathroom floor of a strangers house
not knowing if i has sex with said stranger or not
had first aids test
this really happened to me all in one week
thinking about this now
im grateful to be alive
as depressed as i get
im a strong woman
and a wonderful mom
and i know now
that i can indeed get thru anything
if i got thru that week
i know i have done worse
and i have obviously pulled thru
i have blocked most of my life out somehow
but every once in a while
bits and peices come thru
in some cosmic way
to let me know
my life has been worse...
even though i dont believe in religion
i believe in a higher power
someones watching
and taking care of lilred.
posted by GingerSnaps at 9:02 PM
5 Comments:
That's great! But, make sure lilred takes care of lilred too, eh? Sort of like double teaming.
I kind of recognise those sorts of maelstrom weeks by the way. They're life defining. Although they're deeply traumatising, they give you strength in the future. The strength you have, lilred.
I love Owl.
And he's right! Always trust a man in elf shorts with a potty seat on his head.
cheers to owl and ubermilf!
And Cheers to you Red.
ahh i just loved the sense of immortality when i was a teen. When i think of the shit i used to do it becomes apparent to me how lucky i am to be alive these days.
I've had two weeks like that. Life defining they are. Not because they shape what you do from then on, but they shape what you don't do because you know better.
Post a Comment
<< Home