no love right now
i mowed the lawn
it sucked real bad
no rider here
lots of hills and bumpy crap
tried to have sex
that didnt work
drinking is bad
so is my work
supposed to work a party
free booze all night
14 showed up
one free ticket each
no tips
no thank yous
just alot of talk about rocks
i wanted to poke my eye out
with my bottle opener
for some excitement
i pay 25 bucks a day for a sitter
last night i made 7
night before, 9
last week i made 100 a day
for every job i did
of course i thought it would keep up
and i spent all the money
now i suck
i had to bounce (or float)
a check today to put gas in my hog
so i could pick my princess up
pay the sitter 25 bucks
and starve myself to death
because i cant feed my self
not that im huingry
i have been for days
i forget to eat
and sleep
and smile
happiness is draining out of me
because i, at this point, am finding nothing to be happy about
in this life
i cried all the way to work yesterday
because i didnt want to be going there
i went to school to be a nurse
why the fuck am i bartending?
im done
i have to clean my exes house now
because he controls my existance
i just wish sometimes id get some sex in return
stingy bastard
it sucked real bad
no rider here
lots of hills and bumpy crap
tried to have sex
that didnt work
drinking is bad
so is my work
supposed to work a party
free booze all night
14 showed up
one free ticket each
no tips
no thank yous
just alot of talk about rocks
i wanted to poke my eye out
with my bottle opener
for some excitement
i pay 25 bucks a day for a sitter
last night i made 7
night before, 9
last week i made 100 a day
for every job i did
of course i thought it would keep up
and i spent all the money
now i suck
i had to bounce (or float)
a check today to put gas in my hog
so i could pick my princess up
pay the sitter 25 bucks
and starve myself to death
because i cant feed my self
not that im huingry
i have been for days
i forget to eat
and sleep
and smile
happiness is draining out of me
because i, at this point, am finding nothing to be happy about
in this life
i cried all the way to work yesterday
because i didnt want to be going there
i went to school to be a nurse
why the fuck am i bartending?
im done
i have to clean my exes house now
because he controls my existance
i just wish sometimes id get some sex in return
stingy bastard
posted by GingerSnaps at 10:24 PM
10 Comments:
I would love to read more. You pull me in.
start from the beginning..it was a very sad day..the day i learned how to blog...it has become my release..from the reality that sucks..my life.
You know, it takes a while to get around everyone's blogs, and it's taken me a long while to find my way here.
I've really enjoyed reading back through your blog (if "enjoyed" is the right word which I mean obviously it isn't always except of course the "What to Do" post which damn near killed me).
I have bipolar too, so I have a little inkling of what you're going through. But only a little, because this thing is so complicated, and we're all so different with it.
But, certainly, I feel for you, and I wish you all the best. :)
My girl has bipolar and she's also a nurse. I never deny her sex though! lil red i would say visit your local "TOY" store and start having some fun. Thats what she did and for me, controlling one of those is way more fun than halo 2.
You are awesome
i dont get it...why deny a sex fiend sexx? makes ano sense to me!!i need andother edrink.lol ill have to take casre of it my self late r
Thinfk odf yupur friend nick wwhen you do so!!!
LilRed, you're in a bad spot right now. It's too bad we can't find the source of emotional pain and zap it away like they can tumors nowadays.
I hope things get better for you and your little angel. She looks up to you, you know. You are the be-all and end-all of what it means to be a woman. It's really hard, but we mommies have to be the kind of woman we want our daughters to be. They learn by example.
I just read my comment; it could be taken the wrong way. What I meant to say is, you're under a lot of pressure in a lot of ways. Take courage, LilRed! You'll pull through, and you'll teach your daughter about strength and courage.
Okay if you are gonna get drunk and take care of yourself later, you need to post on that sort of thing. Or just come over and coomment on mine about it. :)
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